I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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