In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he fucked my hip out of place.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
