foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
