im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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