Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
