if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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