My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
