she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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