Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
