Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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