It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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