well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
