im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
