Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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