I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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