But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
