i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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