Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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