The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
