Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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