I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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