I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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