Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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