Sponge bath it is.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
