just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
