I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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