Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
