I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
