Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
