I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
