haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
