You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
