omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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