o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
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