ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
