you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you had me at cake vodka
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
