dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
