I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
