WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
