so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
