How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
