overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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