I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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