I understand Curling. That high.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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