Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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