Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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