The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
