I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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