this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
