I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
