Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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