yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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