Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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