I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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