capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
