I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
