I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
