I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
