there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
