Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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