Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
