cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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