i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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