i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
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How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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