yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
