i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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