accomplished twins. life is a go
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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