we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
