I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
