My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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