at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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