When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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