She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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