Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
