Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
