God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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