the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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