Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
