hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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