Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
