is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
