Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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