Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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