I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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