I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
