I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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