Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
